The list to ruin all films and TV shows

Now I’m not going to be talking about unlimited ammo or other really obvious things. I’m talking more about things that you just don’t think about because they fall so far into the background. Read on for the list to ruin all films and TV shows.

Duvets rarely feature

The list to ruin

Have you noticed whenever there is a scene focused on the bedroom, it always has sheets rather than duvets? Does no one get cold in film land?! Admittedly most of this is because the bedroom usually involves a sex scene. And when the woman wants to wrap herself up, I imagine a duvet would be a cumbersome way to do it. But if you are single or in an unhappy relationship – then you are full duveting it up.

There are no goodbyes on phones

Scream - Drew Barrymore

Everyone is so rude when they call people. They never say goodbye and always just hang up. I mean I get that don’t want to engage in the back and forth ceremony of saying bye. But they could just do a singular goodbye. Not totally realistic but more believable than just being so rude.

Phones don’t need chargers unless it’s a plot point

Phone

You will never see anyone plug their phone into a charger on the bedside table. Their phones are magically powered, or they are too busy doing things. But when a crucial event relies on good service or battery, suddenly it’s all they can think about.

You can only have one bite

The list to ruin

I get that filmmakers don’t want food to be a focus in their films, but perhaps we could go beyond more than just one bite. Let’s be crazy and perhaps have five. So I’m not worrying about all these starving characters.

Mothers always making insane amount of food

Modern Family

Why is the breakfast table always filled with enough food to feed a village? Are film directors scared of bare kitchens? Do they think that’s just what mothers do? Are they going to the shelter to donate the food? Seems pretty wasteful regardless, especially since everyone will just take one bite.

Smokers are just flush with cash

Basic Instinct - Sharon Stone

Because they can take a puff then throw it away. Like what is the point of lighting that cigarette? Just stand next to another smoker and inhale. Those things are expensive, no one – not even the rich would be so flippant. I mean it’s an addiction, let’s be realistic here. Or maybe just have vapers in films instead. Makes more sense for one puff and you still get that cool smoky cloud.

There are no filler words ever

Jurassic Park - Jeff Goldblum
Unless you are Jeff Goldblum

I don’t know maybe we could have a few filler words. You don’t have to be a complete inarticulate fool, but you know some is OK. We don’t want umms constantly but a couple thrown in here and there isn’t going to kill anyone. I mean the um is the basic bitch of the filler words, why not try an okay occasionally? Plus how can everyone just be in the loop even if they have not been participating in the conversation throughout? Sometimes I get confused when I started the conversation!!

Interruptions are illegal or something

No one interrupts anyone ever. I mean humans are constantly interrupting in polite and obnoxious ways. It’s like the characters have been practising their conversation for a fortnight before they have it. But if someone wants to establish their dominance, getting angry about an interruption is the way to go!

Bad event means wet face

Poltergeist

Has anyone ever wet their face because they just heard the news of a family death, a criminal investigation or a cheating partner?! No, no-one has, so why is this such a thing in films and TV? I mean I get having a stiff drink but why does refreshing your face with water seem the right choice? I guess we will never know.

No one ever shares a name

Q - Star Trek: Next Generation

I guess there is logical sense to this one. You don’t want your audiences to get confused between which character is involved in the drama. But you know that’s why nicknames were invented. Plus if Star Trek can handle an entire race with the one name, anyone can.

Never having to adjust the car even when you steal it

Tom Cruise

Everyone has the own favourite way of having the seat, the fans and the steering wheel. And what about the mirrors? You can’t successfully do a high speed getaway if you can’t see out of the mirrors. This is especially evident with Tom Cruise, how would this short arse not need to scoot his seat closer? As much as he wants you believe he’s 6 foot, that guy is short.

Also, no traffic! Anything filmed in any city in England (especially London) would be a snoozefest!

Fake drinking

Chris Evans - Chris Hemsworth
Chris Evans doesn’t even know what to do with a drink any more!

This one perfectly bothers me. I know why they don’t actually drink because they are waiting to say a line. But do they have to make it so obvious! Show some gulping action please. Use that Adam’s apple already.

No previous messages

text-message

Whenever you see a shot of a phone, there are no previous messages at all. Even if it has already been established the characters have known each other for a long time. Yes they obviously want you to focus on the main message, but that’s not to say they couldn’t have a peek of previous messages. What are these characters without messages trying to hide?

Pubs are always empty or full, with unbelievable fast service

Glengarry Glen Ross
Even the bartender is AWOL

Why not just have a slightly busy pub? I mean all the surrounding extras are just mouthing words so will it actually matter? Also, they probably could film an engaging scene while the character is waiting for his drink. Also, there is a generic “beer” that everyone orders. I want to know what this generic beer is already, if every character wants it, it must be good!

Backspace, space bar or even the mouse are just for decoration

The Net

I get why they don’t want the mouse involved. It just does not fit into the hacker idea, but the idea that they will never use the backspace or space bar is just absurd. The film’s reality will not break using those keys.

One character monologuing whilst circling another character

First off, this is weird. And why would anyone want to circle someone? Constantly have to turn or crank your neck. Just pace, that’s makes more logical sense. Or move the camera in fancy ways. No more circling!

No matter who you are on a crime scene, you cannot wear any gear especially not hair nets

The Wire
Detectives Lester Freamon (Clarke Peters, left) and Jimmy McNulty (Dominic West) kneel beside a body, befuddled

Hair gets everywhere, we shed at least 100 a day. There’s just no way you wouldn’t have everyone suited up except maybe the first responders. Don’t tell me you can’t find at least a hair net that wouldn’t completely ruin the visuals?

No one locks anything especially cars

Terminator 2

Especially if they have to use keys. You might occasionally have the beep using a key fob, I guess because that’s more sexy than keys. But it is sexy to get your keys out of the sun visor? Doors are always open too, even if you are running a business, just some random friend can waltz in whenever they want.

Everyone knows their neighbours

Desperate Housewives

Unless they are a serial killer, then you are immediately suspicious and will investigate. If I suspected someone of murder, I would not be skulking around their yard. But even in the big city, everyone has made neighbour friends and knows all their extended family. Who spends that much time at home?

Everyone needs to walk in a single line, left to right

Ghostbusters

Not only would be this be a total rude move, it is just insanely unpractical. But of course, no one is ever having conversations whilst doing this. They are always walking in silence with some dramatic music playing.

What tropes or weird oddities have you noticed in films or TV?

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